Calpernia Addams Rocks PFLAG LA - September 17, 2008

Famed Artist, Transgender Activist, Musician and Author Calpernia Addams Speaks about Love, Life, and Equality.

The sixty people waiting for Calpernia Addams at PLAG LA’s September meeting were expecting beauty, energy, and wit. They got even more—honesty, vulnerability, and a gentle femininity that was more than skin deep. Dressed in a simple gauze top and jeans, the red-headed actress told the story of her life to a group including young people from Lifeworks Mentoring, who hung on her every word.

She described growing up in rural Tennessee in a family so religious that the wearing of wedding rings was considered “vanity.” At an early age Calpernia felt a disconnect between her feminine spirit and her boy’s body, a difference she was forced to accept: “I knew that I could grow wings more easily than I could be a girl. It wasn’t going to happen.” 

The military gave her a way out of Tennessee. Recruiters told her she could choose any career she wanted, and she asked to be a nurse. After several years in the Navy/Marines, she resigned in order to get on with what she thought would be her life as a gay man. 

It was in Nashville’s LGBT community, that she realized she wasn’t gay but transgender, and took the first steps in a long journey to womanhood. When asked how she began, she said, “Makeup. It’s external. It’s inexpensive, and it’s fun to play with.” She described a life of continual learning—how to style her hair, how to apply eye make up, how to choose clothing.  Although these activities were exciting, they were also dangerous: “You don’t always get it right, and people can be very cruel.”

There were also physical changes to make—electrolysis on unwanted facial hair, testosterone suppressing drugs, estrogen, surgeries. Transgender women helped her through all these experiences. Perhaps the hardest part of the transition was learning the culture of womanhood. Just as an American emigrant to another country has to learn the unwritten rules of behavior and the unspoken clues to situations, Calpernia had to learn how to respond as a woman.

In spite of all the difficulties she has encounter, including the tragic killing of her beloved boyfriend, she was upbeat and positive. She emphasized the warmth of family life in her childhood, rather than the restrictiveness of the religious sect. When asked about her female role models, she described her mother and aunts: “Strong, unadorned women. Feminine without accoutrements.” Although her family does not accept her transition, and still uses her childhood name, they remain in touch, and she sees them at least once a year, “for some good Southern cooking.”

She talked candidly about dating, answering questions about how and when she tells her dates about her transition, and how she avoids dangerous situations. She talked about dealing with moments of depression and self-doubt: “When you look in the mirror and see all the flaws.”

As she talked about her life and answered questions, she repeatedly emphasized the need for all of us—LGBT and straight, parents, children, allies, young and old—to concentrate on being healthy--physically, mentally, and emotionally. The health that she’s worked so hard to achieve radiates from Calpernia Addams and warmed us all.

For more information on Calpernia Addams go to www.Calpernia.com

Checkout Calpenia’s video diary  click here.

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