For Straight Family and Friends

Most people who come to PFLAG remember vividly the moment when a close family member or friend came out. Hearing a child, a sibling, a nephew, a best friend, or a student, say “I am gay” or “I am transgender” or I am bi-sexual” causes many different and powerful emotional reactions. For a lot of us, it was shock. Perhaps even a sense of indignation: “This doesn’t happen to people like us!” Others experience relief: “I thought this might be true.” Some people are honored: “I am glad that you trusted me enough to tell me.” Some people are angry: “Why are you burdening me with this?” All these reactions and lots more are completely normal. 

Frequently, negative emotions overwhelm us – sorrow, anger, disappointment, embarrassment, shame, fear. That shouldn’t be surprising. We live in a culture that gives us many negative messages and stereotypes about gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender persons. We need time and information to sort out the facts hidden by the myths. The links on this page provide some general information about sexual orientation and gender identity. Links to other information (including definitions of terms with which you may not be familiar) can be found under Education.

What helps even more is talking with people who have been on the same journey.

That’s what PFLAG is for. Come to a meeting. Listen. Share your feelings if you are able. Ask questions. If that’s too big a step, call one of our help lines or contact us by e-mail.

However you feel, be assured that the LGBT person in your life loves you and cares deeply about what you think. That love and a healthy desire to live life honestly inspired them to come out to you. By coming to this website, you have taken a big step toward responding with equal love and courage. Your relationship with your loved one can grow deeper, stronger, and closer than ever before.